Fighting for love
by CasTheButler
Summary: Dean has been doing what Sam asked. he left his old life behind. but when Cas calls after months Dean comes running. This kind of irritates Dean. Ok guys I'm sorry about the lame summary it's my first fic. so please bare with me : . reviews would be nice.
1. Prolouge

**PROLOGUE **

Dean has been working on some stuff around the house for Lisa when the phone rang. He sighed and whipped the sweat from his brow.

"Hello" he barked into the phone. "Hello dean" replied a voice back. It was the type of Hello Dean that made Dean have to lean against the front door so he didn't collapse from pleasure and rage and… he didn't exactly know what the other feeling was. "Cas? is that you, come on man where the fuck have you been?" there was silence on the other end of the phone for a while, then he heard Castiel take a deep breath "Come meet me, there's a hotel about an hour and a half west from where you are you can't miss it. It's very green" Cas waited a moment then hang up the phone. Dean sunk down along the door until he was sitting with his head in his lap.

Fucking angels.


	2. We All Make Sacrafices

**CHAPTER ONE**

"Bye Lisa" he called out a little later when he'd packed, he'd told her he had some important stuff to take care of. "I love you" he called out to her as an after thought. Dean knew what he was doing was wrong. He knew he was meant to be living some apple pie life, but some things some people he just couldn't let go of. Dean sighed in pleasure as he slide behind the wheel of the Impala. He hadn't driven it since Sam had, since Sam had... Dean's sigh of pleasure was replaced by one of pain. He bit into his lip and turned the Metallica coming out of his stereo up louder as he pulled out of Lisa's drive way. 

When he got to the motel he saw what Cas had meant about green. The whole hotel was just green and nothing else it stood out like a sore thumb between an abandoned factory and a bleak looking gym. Dean paid for a room and sat and waited. He didn't have to wait that long but it felt like an eternity. After all Cas had been gone for months not even a word and then he calls and dean comes running. Dean sighed he seemed to be doing that a lot lately but his life was just so exasperating. Cas is such a jerk he thought to himself rage consuming the sheer joy he felt of been able to see his angel, no not his he tried to push the thought out of his head Cas didn't belong to him. Cas was an angel. They couldn't be together, was that what I want dean thought to be with Cas? He didn't know the answer and that just made him angrier.

Dean heard a noise and he turned towards it "Hey" Cas said. "Hey?" Dean took a few steps closer to Cas ignoring his own discomfort at the lack of personal space "Hey? Is all you have to say to me? Your gone for months and all I get is Hey? How about Hey dean how are things? You wanna know things are crap. You left me Cas. You left me alone. Where were you?" Cas looked pained but Dean couldn't be sure because he'd diverted his look and was staring at some picture of a boat that the hotel had hanging on the wall. Dean stared at it too for a moment. "I didn't leave you alone" he finally answered in a hoarse whisper. He stared into Dean eyes as if trying to find some kind of explanation "You have Lisa and Ben."  
"It's not the same Cas, I need you" Dean spoke every word with desperation.

Cas shook his head just a fraction. Dean only noticed because he was staring so intensely at the angel. "You think you're the only one that makes sacrifices?" Cas asked him "Everyone makes sacrifices" he walked over and lowered himself on to the hotel bed. "Oh yeah?" Dean sat on the bed next to him he looked Cas up and down. "What was your big sacrifice?" he inquired scornfully. Cas placed a hand on Dean's shoulder. "Do you really think I wanted to leave you?" Then without any kind of a warning, he kissed Dean hard and fast on the lips and sent Dean's head spinning.


	3. Wanting you, Hating me

**CHAPTER TWO**

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck Dean thought trying to gather himself and find something to say but he couldn't think of anything other than the fact Cas tasted really, really good. So he leant in and cusped Castiel's face with his hand. Dean could barely function he felt like he was shaking but somehow he managed to place his mouth on Cas's and slowly push his tongue inside his mouth. Somewhere deep inside him it accorded to dean that maybe this shouldn't be happening but quite frankly he really didn't give a shit. A sharp tug at his pants pulled him back to reality "Dean" Cas whispered breathlessly. "I want you." Dean stared at Cas for a second. He was been so forward and it was kind of freaking Dean out. "I don't, I can't do this Cas. I just can't want this" He stood up hastily and practically ran out the door. He didn't get far he'd never actually intended to leave. He just didn't know how he felt about Cas. Cas his best friend, Cas his hero, Cas the socially retarded asshole that he was, Cas the badass. Dean recalled how Cas had beat the crap out of him once. He let the memories pass him by. Now he was Cas the guy he was terrified of falling for. Dean muttered to himself "Seriously?" he tried to take another few steps forward away from the door but he just couldn't do it. So he span around on his heels and walked back into the hotel room. The only thing he saw in the room was Cas, nothing else mattered because to Dean's horror Cas was slumped against the bed sobbing.

Cas looked up and saw him standing there. He slowly pulled himself off the floor and walked up to Dean. Bitterly he raised his voice "Fuck off" he said his voice quivering. "Yeah well" Dean said slightly annoyed. "I forgot something" grabbed both his shoulders and pushed Cas up against the wall Cas let out a final sob of anxiety then Dean grinned and said "I want you too." Cas pushed him off, towards the bed. He glared at Dean for a while "You're an asshole Dean Winchester" was his final response. To which Dean's only reply was to yank him off his feet and onto the bed. They laid there for a while curled into one another kissing every so often and stroking skin. Dean began to slip his hands into Castiel's pants but Cas grabbed his wrist to stop him. "Dean I'm scared" he said sitting up. "You've got to be kidding Cas" Dean mumbled "I thought you wanted this" he was still lying on the bed and Cas couldn't see the expression on his face. "I thought so too" he said to the ceiling and promptly disappeared.


	4. No Complaints

**CHAPTER THREE**

It was about a month later before Dean saw Cas again. He hadn't exactly been waiting around for the angel, but boy did he feel relived when he saw Cas standing on the other side of the door. He was trying to think of something witty to say however he should have been paying more attention to Cas because his fist ended up in Dean's face. Hard. "I'm not scared anymore" Cas replied in that matter of fact tone of his and walked through Lisa's front door. "Dude" Dean muttered touching his hand absentmindedly to his face, he turned around and noticed Castiel had placed himself delicately on the edge of the couch he looked serene like an angel should.  
*RINGGGGGGGGGGGGGG*  
Dean and Cas looked up startled from the noise, Dean had been so wrapped up in Cas, Cas and more Cas that he'd forgotten Lisa was still at home. He pursed his lips a moment and motioned for Cas to disappear a moment and he did in a huff. "Lisa?" Dean called out trying to keep his voice void of emotion because he was terrified the wrong one would spill over. "Yeah Dean, I'm on the phone Julia wants me to go out, you ok by yourself?" She yelled back down the stairs. "Of course, Have fun" was the words he spoke out loud, in his mind on the other hand he thought, thank fucking God. 

When Lisa had gone out Cas immediately re-appeared. "I don't like her" he said bluntly. Dean stared at him for a moment trying to figure out where Castiel's dislike was coming from. "Why? Lisa's nice" stated Dean a little defensively. "I don't particularly care that she's nice, I'm being…what's that word you humans use? Selfish?" Dean shook his head in astonishment "Cas, even for an angel your weird" Dean laughed sitting himself down where Cas had been previously. Cas walked over to him till he was standing in front of Dean. He folded his arms awkwardly staring intensely into Dean's green eyes "Yes I am rather weird" he agreed and then a laughed which made the situation feel even more strange. Dean bit into the inside of the lip, this has got to be the most complicated relationship I've ever been in he thought absentmindedly as he took Castiel's hand and pulled at him to sit down next to him. He took a deep breath and ran his hands through Cas's hair he might not have been scared anymore but Dean was still terrified. "This is really going to happen this time, isn't it" Inquired Cas as Dean, He thought for a moment then replied "I think I hope so" after a while he finally worked up the courage to kiss Cas so forcefully that he ended up lying down with Dean on top of him. Dean grinned nervously into Cas's mouth, I kind of feel like an out of control teenager again he thought running his hands up Cas's shirt, Cas shift his weight and Dean realized he wanted to sit up, which he did only as a means to pull the shirt of swiftly over his head. Cas wrapped his hand around the back of Dean's neck and pulled him back on top of him, he slipped his hand into Dean's pants searching for a moment Cas curled his hands around Dean's penis and tugged. Dean let out a moan this time he had absolutely no complaints.


	5. Love?

CHAPTER FOUR.

It had taken them a long time to get there act together, too long thought Dean as he lay on the couch wrapped in Cas's arms. They were both completely naked and Castiel's flesh felt so good against Dean's skin. The man may have been an angel but he fucked like hell, sex had been rough and passionate with both men left with rather a few wounds. They looked like they'd just done battle not made love. Dean looked Cas up and down, his neck was covered in blood from where Dean had bitten a little to hard. Dean leant down and licked it sending a shiver down Cas's spine. "I love you dean" he mumbled. Dean froze. Maybe he did love Cas, he certainly loved fucking Cas but saying it out loud was just dangerous. Any emotions was dangerous really, because they could be used against you. So instead of replying he avoided the question. "Even though I just made your ass hurt?" He felt Cas move a little and make an almost inaudible noise of pain it was obvious to Dean that Cas thought he'd done something wrong. He wanted so bad to comfort him but Dean just didn't know how. Sure he could deal with any monster, cops, naïve civilians, other hunters…Dean could deal with the fucking apocalypse. What Dean could not deal with however was telling Castiel.

I LOVE YOU.


	6. Not a real chapter  but that will come

Just a quick hello to say

Sorry about the jagged updates believe it or not film school is actually pretty difficult but who knows maybe one day I will get to work on some great shows. I really hope your all enjoying the story and feel free to send me messages just to say hi. Also reviews would be nice because I'm interested in feedback about how my story is actually going so some good or even bad criticism would be greatly appreciated. I promise a new chapter will go up soon


	7. staring at the son

Dean felt uncomfortable now, he could feel his palms sweating he didn't want to love anyone not after all that had happened. he always lost the people he loved, or in one way or another they lost him. Besides he had enough trouble saying I love you to lisa and they had a good thing going on, it wasn't always great he drank a lot and got distraught we grief and anger, because it was all his fault he'd broken that very first seal, he'd let everyone down and it was just going to keep happening. he felt so guilty and broken, he stared at Cas, he could tell the angel was disappointed that Dean hadn't answered his declaration of love, he thought about Lisa picturing her smiling face in his mind, but most of all he pictured his son. not that ben was biologically his, but Dean loved that kid so much, maybe more than the impala but he wasn't going to say that. I'm going to break his heart one day and he's going to hate me. I guess that'll be ok though cause at least he'll be safe and not a complete jackass. his mind returned focus to the room, he notices Castiel's concerned look. he swallowed nervously. "I…love you too" he said, his voice shaking. What have I done? was his only thought.


	8. forgetting meFinal Chapter

They kept lying just tangled up in each others arms for a while neither of them said anything because there was no need occasionally dean would get restless because he was paranoid that Lisa would come home, or worse. Ben. They never did and eventually the two heartbeats, Angel and Hunter, beat in sync. Dean smiled to himself I never thought I'd be so happy he thought. Suddenly Cas's body went ridged and he sat up slowly. He started to let out a sigh and stopped himself. Castiel reached for his pants and pulled them on. "What's the rush cowboy?" asked Dean his voice littered with annoyance and concern. "I've been called away" muttered Cas standing up as he buttoned up his shirt. "What? I didn't quite catch that" Dean said sarcastically. "I've been called away" Castiel yelled full of desperation. "I think it's better if this didn't happen" he said seriously . "But Cas, how could I forget" Dean whimpered afraid that because of some Angel mojo he actually would. "I'll make you forget." Dean had a thousand witty remarks up his sleeve. He didn't say anything though. Castiel just watched as a single tear ran down Dean's cheek, then he reached out and put Dean into a deep memory wiping sleep.

Cas lay Dean down on the couch and put his clothes back on him. Then he went grabbed a bottle of whiskey out of the cupboard. After taking a large swig himself he poured half down the sink and sprinkled some on Dean's clothes. He placed the bottle next to the couch and after one last wishful kiss on Dean's forehead. He disappeared


End file.
